HARD CONVERSATIONS

HARD CONVERSATIONS

      It seems that this past weekend, all of the hard conversations I needed to have occured! What's funny is that I was more prepared than I thought I was to have these conversations.  In order to manage my CRAZY life, I have to write everything down...and I do- including notes to remember and talking points for upcoming things :-) Knowing that I was going to have these conversations eventually, I made sure that I applied this, as well as other things, because as I grow, I understand that EFFECTIVE conversations have many elements- not just getting out what YOU want to say.  When you know you are about to have a "hard" conversation, prepared or not, remember these things:


1. WRITE IT DOWN

     Like I said, I write things down. I hate the feeling of forgetting to mention something I REALLY wanted to mention lol! I also use this type of writing as a rough draft. When I write it, it becomes real on paper, and I may realize that it is not such a great point OR it may come off wrong.  For those of you that have trouble communicating, or don't know HOW to say things sometimes {insert me here} , try it and see how it works!


2. STAY CALM

    I am not always the one to stay calm when I communicate- I get excited! But I am learning when I really stay calm (and wooosah) while I speak or while the other person speaks, I am received and respected much more.  Also, staying calm in a heated conversation helps you because in the end if the other person is acting a fool, you will walk away looking like the sane one lol.


3.  LISTEN MORE THAN YOU TALK
   
   I am sure everyone has heard this saying before, and quite frankly, it is soooo hard for me, but it is definitely truth! Whether you're wrong or right in a situation, listening to the other person and staying calm does many things in the long run. First, it helps you to understand the other person's point of view more, which gives you a better chance in solving the problem in the end. It also gives you more of a chance to THINK before speaking!!!!


4. UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EMOTIONS AND FACTS

    When a problem festers, we use our EMOTIONS and FEELINGS to define the TRUTH and FACTS.  When you are dealing with other people, they often do the same. This means when you come into a conversation, you are already coming into it with TWO different perspectives of the TRUTH.  With this said, make sure that you decipher between feelings and truth.  It is ok to "feel", but know the truth of the situation. 

     When expressing how you feel, say "When you did ____, it made me feel _______" ; instead of "You did _______ and that made ______ happen!"  The person that offended you may not have ever intended for the latter to happen, or may not be AWARE.  Know the difference and deal from there!



5.  KNOW THAT SOME CONVERSATIONS WON'T END AS A FAIRYTALE

     At the end of the day, some conversations require a two-part finale. Sometimes, there is no immediately resolve and it takes years! While most of us would love to walk away with an understanding or at least the feeling of being understood, life does not always happen this way.  The way to live well with or without the resolve, is to be confident in how YOU handled the conversation.  You must always live with the notion that if YOU did your best in communicating, let God do the REST!